Double standard
Posted by secretlynaughty on May 26, 2009
Last night I discovered a new blog (new to me at least) I had seen The Lazy Philosopher commenting on other blogs including some that I read under my other alias. But until last night when he left a comment on my post text sex across the pond I hadn’t visited his blog. On my first visit I found a recent post about sexul jokes. I hope he won’t mind if I use one of these jokes in this post.
Bloke necks a quadruple whiskey in one. Barman says wot’s up. Bloke says “Came home early from work and caught my wife shaggin’ my best friend.” What did you do asks the barman. Bloke sez “I told her to pack her things and fuck off.” What about your best friend? “I looked him straight in the eye and said… BAD DOG!”
Reading this reminded me of when I was much younger and much more innocent. I was 17 and in my first serious relationship. Craig was 20 and lived in a nearby town, his best friend Pedro lived in a village near the town where I lived. Most weeks a whole group of us would go out clubbing together at least once over the weekend.
I was still at school in the 6th form at the time so didn’t have much personal money. One weekend Craig took me to Bromley (which we considered much more sophisticated than our small towns) . He wanted me to have a pair of satin trousers (all the rage at the time). After traipsing around various stores and boutiques he bought me a pair of skin tight black trousers.
That night we were going clubbing with our friends (if I remember right Martines in East Grinstead). I wore my new satin trousers with a skimpy black top. At the time I was an impressional young woman still seeing the world through rose coloured glasses. Here I was dancing with my hansome boyfriend who I totally adored. I had not long ago lost my virginity to this young man. I had eyes for him alone but he was jealous of the looks I was getting from elsewhere.
Driving home later he decided he was tired and didn’t want to drive me home which would add another 20+ miles round trip to his journey. He asked his friend to take his car and drive himself home dropping me off on the way.
Next day he was on the phone (remember this was long before the advent of mobile/cell phone) wanting to know what time I got home. He was making sure that it hadn’t taken longer than it should have done to drop me home. He also brought the subject up the next time I saw him. Apparently he was worried that something would happen between me and Pedro on the way back if he wasn’t there.
He told me that if it had, he would have finished with me, but when I asked him about Pedro, he would have been cross but he would have forgiven him becasue he knew that Pedro liked me and he could understand that it would have been hard for him to resist me. But being his girlfriend I was expected to be loyal to him.
As it turned out nothing had happened and he believed me but he finished with me some months later when I mentioned that his (note that it was his not mine) friends had been asking me when we would be getting engaged. His reason………’We are getting too serious and we are too young’. 6 months later he was hanging around again but didn’t quite get around to asking me out again, while I was waiting (I still adored him) I began going out with Mike. I really wanted to go back out with Craig but he was being too slow in coming forward. I later found myself getting engaged to Mike which wasn’t what I had wanted.
Since then I have heard of a lot of scenarios where a wife/girlfriend and a mate are involved and the husband forgives the mate before the wife.
Have you ever been in a similar situation?
How did it affect the various relationships between you all?
Interestingly I just asked my 21 yr old son the hypothetical question if he had been seeing a girl for a while and she and his mate got off together behind his back which one of them would he forgive?
Neither as neither are inanimate objects.
Gaz said
I used to hang out with a guy and his girlfriend all the time. She would drive us to discos and i would sit with him all night drinking. After 6 hours of her watching us getting drunk i took pity on her and always took her on to the dance floor for the last dance of the night that was usually a slow one. When he started to tire of her he told her they had to break up because she liked me more than him. We continued to go out together and his next girlfriend who took on the role of driver. He has just recently separated from her but i don’t think he blamed me for it. More to do with the amount of grog he consumed.
ronjazz said
I honestly hate to say this…but most men, on this score, do own a double standard. They are more concerned with how they look amongst their peers than they do at home, which many look at in a possessive way. It should be the other way around, but there are two things, to my mind, that affect this. One is a lack of courage by men, particularly younger men, to stand up and say the right thing…because rumor would then be spread that a friend fucked his wife without him knowing it and therefore, he feels a need to preserve his reputation as a proper cocksman among his friends. The other is a lack of committment at home…she SHOULD come first, but often does not. Unless you have an open and examined relationship, a man’s wife and family should always, always come first.
Advizor said
Most men have a “boys will be boys” attitude because we want to remain as a boy. We forgive each other because some day, we all hope, it will be us that needs forgiveness.
In college I had a huge crush on my best friend’s girlfriend, so when they were fighting, I asked her out, did everything I could do to her without having sex, and then gave her back to him. Two weeks later he dumped her for good and I asked if it was because of what she and I did. He said that he didn’t blame me at all, but that the prospect of losing her didn’t bother him very much so he decided to let her go. Months later he admitted that I had done him a favor.
We then compared notes and both agreed that she was a horrible kisser.
Riff Dog said
Never been in that situation, but I think my attitude would be the opposite and I would forgive my wife or girlfriend before I’d forgive the friend.
secretlynaughty said
Gaz it sounds as though you are one of the nice guys in life
secretlynaughty said
Ron I think you are right it would have been a case of saving face with his mates. Other wise he wouldn’t have still been hanging around for another 9 month after he broke up with me, it wasn’t as though we had friends in common he lived in another town in another county.
Advizor if she was a horrible kisser then its a good thing she was dumped…..nothing worse in my book (ok there is but not much worse)
Riff are you sure you are not a woman?