Secretlynaughty’s Weblog

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Posted by secretlynaughty on December 18, 2008

Forever ago I created a profile on a dating site. I didn’t keep up the membership so can’t read messages or do anything much on the site so I have never really bothered about it. every now and then I get a message to say that I have been winked at or have a new message. My profile (which includes a dreadful photo and a lot of drivel about myself, ok the drivel is true but it’s still drivel). I have also said on my profile that I can’t read messages on the site but gave very heavy clues about my email address.

Yesterday I received an email from a man who had read my profile.  I replied and asked him to tell me about himself. (I get a lot of messages from guys who are either far too young/old or are too far away or both). It turns out that this guy lives in my town and is 2 yrs older than me. We have exchanged a few emails and seem to have things in common. From something he said in his last email  I know exactly who he is. I don’t think I have ever spoken to him but have seen him plenty of times. I have done a search on the site and found his profile and photo.

I can’t say that I fancy him but he is not unpleasant. So I shall continue to  email him for now and see where it leads.

My dilema is that I am very much in love with my sweetheart. However my sweetheart is not only not local but spends the majority of his time out of the country making it very difficult for us to have a proper relationship. I don’t want anyone but my sweetheart but I don’t know how much longer I can stay in a relationship that doesn’t give me what I need.

I don’t know if this other man would be able to give me what I need or if I could ever feel for him anything like what I feel for my sweetheart but he is local. so do I tell this man about my sweetheart or do I keep quiet. Do I tell my sweetheart about this man or do I keep quiet.

6 Responses to “Dilema”

  1. You Know Who said

    ooh so you have another email address? i’m guessing that because certain email addresses would lead to a blog where cover would soon be blown lol. that being the case I’d say go against your nature and keep shtoom. If anything develops and you end it with “sweetheart” you could hardly say you were two timing, given that you never see him. Anyway, It’s not an issue yet, is it?

  2. Steve said

    I think you should be upfront with him… You never know what can happen and at least he will know where you are coming from.


  3. David said

    I think this is the classic opportunity for a friends with benefits. Or perhaps a secret lover; you say you have IDed him, but does he also know who you are? Or would he connect the real you with the ALT/AFF you?

    I think it is possible to have a good time and still be true to your sweetheart, but if asked, you should be out front, and given his general unavailability, he ought to understand?

  4. secretlynaughty said

    perhaps you would be suprised just how many email addresses I do have even if you do know 2 or 3 of them.
    I have decided to stay shtoom for the moment.


  5. secretlynaughty said


    I think for the moment I shall see if we meet (I think it is very likely) if we get on then I shall see if the subject comes up. I might not go down too well if I blurt out before we even meet that ………..BTW I am in love with someone else

    But if it looks like there is a potential for a relationship I would have to explain my situation then.

  6. secretlynaughty said


    It is good to see you here. I have been down the friends with benefits route before and had a great time but that was before I felt I was ready to find a long term relationship again. Neither my sweetheart or this man are aware of my AFF past. Having met both of them on more ordinary dating sites where my sexual side is not on show.

    I have known for some time that I could easily take a lover whilst my sweetheart is away but it is my own conscience that gets in my way. As strange as it may seem I had no problems seeing several lovers at the same time, only a little problem with some of them being married,(whilst I was unattached) yet I cannot be unfaithful to my own partner.

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