Secretlynaughty’s Weblog

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Archive for February, 2010

panties damp

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 27, 2010

‘panties damp’ was one of the searches that brought someone to this blog today.

Right now, right this minute I could say that my panties are damp, but that would be an understatement. I have been chatting online with Sebastian. He has had to go offline (he did warn me) leaving me with a deep desire in my belly and an aching throb in my pussie. The urge to plunge my finger between my swollen lips into the hot wetness within is painfully high. But I am forcing myself to leave my clit alone, not a single flick or stroke will touch my flesh.

This self-imposed torture is all I deserve after teasing him mercilessly this afternoon. How can I blame him for wanting to push his hard cock deep into my soft flesh after what I did to him today. I knew what I was doing when I signed into msn after an absence  of over an hour knowing that he was waiting impatiently for my return. Making him wait for me to speak only to be sent with no warning a photo of my black stockinged thighs followed by my kisses that send him wild then signing back out again for several hours.

Ooops I gave in and let my finger rub my clit, sliding into the wet heat beyond but I don’t wish for release just yet so I have withdrawn my finger, placing it into my mouth to suck and lick away the evidence of my arousal. The well remembered scent of my sex filling my nose, reminding me how much I lust this man who with a few words can leave me hot and bothered.

I shall try to be patient until Sebastian returns, I want him to witness the effect he has upon my body.  To know beyond doubt that it is he who brings me to the peak of my arousal. For him I shall cum with my hot juice squirting for him to lapp up with his willing tongue. Until he releases me from my torment I shall sit and sqirm with my thights clamped together as my clit is squeezed wanting but not wanting to cum.

During the years of our relationship (such that it is) I have been the submissive one, but now the tables are turning as he wishes to be subjugated. There is talk of spanking as well as fucking but the underlying theme will always be our mutual lust.

Posted in adult fantasy, celebration of womanhood, cocks, cybersex, Instant Messaging, married men, masturbation, mind fuck, pictures, pleasure pain, sex mad, spanking, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

worth the risk or not

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 27, 2010

I have been pondering for a while now. I am not sure whether to do this, whether it would work or how I could do this. I had a chat with my friend blogger about this last week, he feels that if I do this it could compromise my anonymity. I am not sure how great a risk this would be. Whilst I post photos of parts of myself on here I don’t show my face, there may be some who could identify me if they found this place but it is unlikely. Those who have been in a position to see my body in the flesh are not inclined to read blogs. The majority of the men I have been involved with would much rather look at porn than read a blog.

But if I were to do this there are many who might be able to identify me, many who I have never met. So what am I talking about? My voice. I have been aware for sometime that I have a nice voice (although I hate the sound of it myself). In recent years I have been told that I have a sexy voice. More recently I have been told by some men that listening to me on the phone feels like being caressed.

So what has my voice got to do with my blog? I am sure you have all read my fantasies, if not why not? I have others posted elsewhere. I also have a collection of books  of short stories from xcite books. What I have been thinking about and I am sure that you are clever enough to have guessed already. I want to make recordings of myself reading some of these stories for you to listen to. Last week I was having dinner with a male friend at his house. I took along some of my books (which I have left for him to read). He requested that I read one of them out to him. He thoroughly enjoyed my reading saying that I was good at reading it.

I am also in a situation where anything I could do to increase my earnings in a small way would be welcome. So what I need to know is if I were to make recordings would you want to hear them and if you do would you be prepared to pay a small amount for the priviledge. Do you have any suggestions for a nominal fee to be charged and most importantly how could I set this up in such a way that it would work for you and help me whilst not compromising my anonimity.

Posted in blogging, creative writing, moi, randomness, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Do you know

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 24, 2010

Do you know how much I want to kiss you?

Do you know how much I want to be held by you?

Do you know how much I want to gaze into your eyes?

Do you know how much I have to tell you?

Do you know how much I miss my friend?

Do you know how much I want the feel of your fingers inside me?

Do you know how much I yearn for your caresses on my arse?

Do you know how much I love to hear your voice?

Do you know how much I want to shake you?

Do you know how much I want to tease you?

Do you know how much I ache for your touch?

Do you know how much I want to scream because of you?

Do you know how much I admire you?

Do you know how much I desire you?

Do you know how much I want to banish you from my mind?

Do you know how much I want to suck you?

Do you know how much I want to do with you?

Do you know how much I want to show off this lovely man?

Do you know how much I want to really fuck you?

Do you know how much I want to show you how wet you make me?

Do you know how much I wish I didn’t feel all this?

Posted in creative writing, randomness, skin on skin, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

betrayal of the best kind

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 22, 2010

I was betrayed!!

I had made up my mind

I was going to enjoy this

I wanted his touch

I wanted him to force my legs apart

I wanted him to take me

I wanted him to make me join with him

I wanted my mind to control my body

I wanted this to be a battle

I wanted him to fight for my body

But I was betrayed!!

my body had other ideas

my body wanted his touch

my body moved towards him

my body arched to his touch

my body convulsed as his fingers probed

my body let my legs spread

my body invited him in

my body wanted him inside me

my body betrayed my mind

Posted in double standards, pleasure pain, sex mad, skin on skin, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

have camera will play

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 21, 2010

Tonight I was feeling a tad horny but it was when I started preparing for bed I was slipping into my shocking pink satin chemise that I had an idea.

First I took a selection of my necklaces and took a few shots of myself wearing them with the low cut satin barely covering my nipples. Then I took a few more showing my nipple (it isn’t easy to get both in the same shot). But as horny as I was feeling playing with my necklaces wasn’t enough. Out came my lady lust finger followed by my lurid orange dildo. Thats when the fun really began. I shall start posting the results of this play time on the gallery over the next few days. Right now I am too wet and need to play some more before I can begin to upload and edit them.

ok so it seems some of you have been impatient……….I am beginning to add the photos now

if you get bored while waiting you could do one or more of these things

  • check out my other photos
  • read some of my fantasies (make your own images in your mind)
  • visit any of my friends listed  on my side bar
  • visit Eden fantasy (listed at the top of my blogroll)
  • visit Lelo (just click the image on the right)

Didn’t realise there were so many but all there now

Posted in masturbation, moi, pictures, Sex bloggers, sex mad, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Aiming for pleasure

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 19, 2010

It is hot and sunny, I can feel the sweat trickle down my back I look at him curled up on the picnic blanket with his head in my lap. The last time I was here months ago it was raining, I watched the school children in their rain macs as I chatted to my friend over our hot drinks. Today it is like a completely different place. Today the snack bar is full of people eating ice creams. The car parks are full, there are large groups of people having picnics, games of cricket and other group activities. The air is filled with the sound of laughter and the smell of burgers and sausages cooking.

Looking around everyone seems to be enjoying this summer day so rare this year. Once the sandwiches and fruit have been consumed washed down with cold water he grabs my hand pulling me up from my sitting position where I have been leaning against his car watching the world enjoy this lovely day. Together we pack away the remnants of our picnic.  Locking the car and he pulls me across the grass towards the big map showing all the walks. He is much fitter than me, he has to be for his job. We look at the choice of walks, I like the look of the ‘short woodland walk’ only 3km, he likes the look of the ‘juniper walk’ 7km with steep inclines. I persuade him that my flip flops won’t make 7km. He agrees to a shorter but less popular walk.

I am breathing hard by the time we reach the top of the first stretch of the walk, looking out across neatly harvested fields a windmill on the crest of a hill in the distance, we sit on a bench admiring the view. We haven’t seen anyone else so far on this walk. I am enjoying this lazy day with him, his arm drapped across my shoulders. I must have lost myself in my own thoughts for a minute as he takes me by suprise when his hand darts up the inside of my shorts. I turn to him and he kisses me passionately. I am melting in his arms as I always do. If ever I got stuck and needed to be rescued I can think of none better to be rescued by.

My mind is jumping all over the place as he massages my inner thighs with his left hand, holding my shoulder with his right hand. No way to escape his grip even if I wanted to, which I dont. I try to break away from his kiss saying we cant do this here someone will see us. ‘Nonsense we have not seen another soul yet.’ He slides to the ground bringing me with him onto the lush grass. His fingers still inside my shorts he finds my wet pussy prising open my wet and waiting lips. His mouth devouring mine as his body pins me to the ground the smell of fresh grass fills my nose as I lose myelf in the sensations he brings to my body. His fingers now fucking me deep as I writhe to meet him, my hips raised as I push myself to him wanting him now not caring who should see us.

He tears himself away from my insistent mouth as he props himself up on his elbow facing away from me now. I know why, he doesnt have to say anything I know that very soon I shall have wet feet as he makes me squirt. My red shorts have been rucked up so that my naked pussy is exposed to the air as he presses into my willing cunt making my juice fly through the air to hit my feet. I am moaning and writhing on the ground his body close to mine but not close enough as my desire builds to a crescendo of twitching muscles and trembling limbs.

It hits my right foot first then my left how the fuck does he do that? But who cares as long as he is here now doing wonderful things to me. I pull him unceremoniously back down to the ground beside me as I fumble with his shorts. I already knew he would be comando just as I am today. I release his hard cock from the confines of his navy blue shorts and demand that he FUCK ME NOW FOR GODS SAKE!! He makes me promise that I will lick him clean after he has fucked me hard. Oh yes please Sam anything you say my beautiful sexy man. He leans across me with my right leg over his hips as he enters me, not gently but with a sudden thrust pushing as far into me as my shallow vagina allows.

We are grinding our hips together now, lost in our own world here on the grass by the side of the footpath.I feel my juice seeping out of me as he makes me cum again. He is grunting in my ear to the rhythm of my own moans and wimpers. I look up to see his face crease up as he nears his own orgasm, he pulls out and instantly I feel the hotness of his spunk as it hits the top of my breast and trickles down into the hollow of my throat. He pushes his fingers into his spunk on my chest playing with the sticky mess before offering his fingers to me to lick. I have just finished licking his fingers clean when we hear the sound of children laughing and shouting. He kneels up and sees the family coming our way. We straighten up and he grabs my hand pulling me along as we run along the path. I will have to finish him off later when we get back to his house where my car is waiting for my return.

Posted in adult fantasy, creative writing, open air sex, part fiction, sex mad, single men, skin on skin, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Now I know

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 16, 2010

I don’t think I have written much about my partner from my days as a couple with Colin.  This is where my appetite for exploring my sexual boundaries began. We had recently decided to be a couple for the purpose of sexual fun but had not yet begun our journey.
Sunday night just before midnight I Colin came online after being away.

hiya hun

hows you

tuckered out not been home long
expect I shall wake up tomorrow feeling horny

for a change

lol

you having a lie in then ?

as not working til later yes

let me know if you wanna meet up

where and what can we do?

what do you wanna do?
do you wanna cum here and help me sort out my pc?

could need some hands on

it may indeed

what time we looking at ?

any time after 10.30

10.31 ?

can we make it a bit later 10.32?

prefer 10.31

ok if you insist

text me when I wake up if you are not alone

monday morning and all the kids have gone to school……getting excited……..cant wait for 9am to text……..send text just on 9.00

its very lonely being home alone :-{ would you like to cum and play with me?

9.20 he still hasnt replied but maybe hes in the shower which is where Im heading to now
only got 1hr 10 minutes to make myself sexy …shall I wear black basque I showed him on cam last friday or the red one? maybe it would be better to wear sexy top and skirt with matching bra and thong……but maybe I’ll miss out the thong
which stockings to wear???? so many problems to solve before he gets here
oh sod it….. just my black satin wrap that might be the answer

But  now I know why I didn’t get a reply to my text he was still asleep. I was alarmed to find him online when I had finished my shower……shouldn’t he be on his way here by now!! we speak he apologises, over slept so tired after his journey home last night. Yes he will be over but its going to be nearer 11.30 I tell him to get himself sorted or it will be 12.30 he tells me I am a bossylady and goes offline. spot on 11.30 I get a text …which number? hes forgotten but he has only been here once before.

I run downstairs to let him in, we kiss several time before we get to my bedroom. it isn’t long before we are both lying across my bed undressing each other. He is still tired and we lay in each other’s arms feeling contented at being together. I kiss him ever so gently on his soft lips, we are so relaxed and pleased to have this time. We are in no rush to get passionate…this is a gentle , sensual lovemaking. But what we both now know for sure is that I am not just wet but I am most definitely a ‘squirter’. We both found it so horny discovering the best positions to make me squirt the most.

I also now know that I enjoy having my ass slapped and having his fingers dig into the soft flesh of my ass. I think it turns him on more to discover that this is making me cum more.  As I am kissing him passionately I ask him to slap me more and dig his fingers in again. I cum again and again I have no idea how many times I have cum, I roll onto my back and he plays with my soaking wet pussy  some more. My body shudders so much as each orgasm convulses through me. We lay together spent for a while before we both realise its almost time for him to leave.

We discuss where I would like him to cum, both agree that it has to be here in this room with me now. As his cock has already given pleasure to two of three options I would like him to cum in my ass, I have recently been introduced to this pleasure. He manages to take some pictures of his cock entering my ass (I now have these too) and comments on the red marks on my cheeks…….mmmm this turns me on more and we both cum together.
Alas it is now time for my lover to go back to his work…….has it really been 2 hours it barely feels like 10 minutes.

Posted in A friend in need, anal pleasure, celebration of womanhood, cocks, couples, illicit encounters, Instant Messaging, married men, sex mad, skin on skin, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

stalker

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 16, 2010

I am at home in the middle of the day which is very unusual, chatting to a fellow blogger from across the pond.  The chat started with a bit of confusion because for a split second I mistook him for my stalker. You see I happened to have my stalker’s facebook page open as I had just poked him. Not something I normally do but it has been awhile since I heard from him…….perhaps he is busy stalking someone else now.

My stalker is a sexy fellow blogger who reads all my blogs, he is a friend on facebook and has 3 or is it 4 of my email addresses. He doesn’t live a million miles away but we have never met even though about 18 months ago we attended the same sporting event at the same time. I tease him dreadfully but he seems to like it.

Sometimes when he has read one of my blog posts he will email me a comment about it sparking off a series of emails. Sometimes he comments on the blog. It doesn’t matter if its an email or a blog comment it always brings a smile to my face.

In general having a stalker is not considered to be very good but I rather like having this particular stalker.  By the way this is not the first post on here that has been for/about him. I wonder if anyone can work out which other post was for him.

Posted in blogging, married men, randomness, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Getting wet with Sebastian

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 14, 2010

don’t deserv you do I?

who does?

Ha you have a very high opininion of yourself
Madam

no

Playing up!

its just that I used to have a low self esteem
I’m learning to stop thinking I am not worthy

How can a woman of your tallent mind inteligence have a low self esteem?

by being married for 19 years to someone who is emotionally abusive

You’re beautiful inteligent attractive capable funny caring ……………………..

would you like to write my profiles for me

and if anyone gets to know you better they’ll discover your secret talents of unadulterated joy

lmao

these days I dont give those talents away and it isn’t easy getting someone well enough to get to that stage

I’s
playing up again

you must have got me all flustered as I see my typing has become dreadful


my fingers don’t seem to be typing what my mind is saying

“to know” is what you left out
but het
I love getting you flustwred :-0

like wise

or even ‘Hey”
hummmm  I love it wjen you make me feel horny

you mean I can still do that

OH YESS!!
you make me feel rude

and it feels nice

you are rude   but delicious with it

and kind of comforting to know we know one another

yes it is and even when it has been ages we can still pick up where we left off

Hummmmmmmmm

just seeing your name brings a smile to my face as I remember your gentle eyes and and hands that so contradict your mind

do they really?

looking at your handsome features and feeling the gentle touch of your hands does nothing to give away the thoughts that lurk inside your mind

Ah, the dark mind

but then you have to take some responsibility for that surely

but obviously I can see beyond that gentle exterior and know all too well what a delightful imagination awaits anyone who dares to look

I dare you to look

Oh I am only too happy to admit partial responsibility

I have looked many times and come away feeling hot and sexy and adored

hummmmmmmmmmyou are
I want to nestle with you now

right now I am picturing  a perfect body half reclining on a chair showing off a magnificent erection clothed only in an open white shirt

Ah you naughty girl you and what would you do with that erection

now I am picturing a man with soft curls framing his face as he looks into my eyes ……….I can feel his hardness entering my tight cunt both of us breathing heavily

Sweet jesus SN I adore you

the polished wooden floor beneath us unforgiving on knees and elbows
bright yellow daffodils waving in the breeze outside the window

I see your wonderous curvs
and feel them in my skin

you pendulous breast  cascading in seductive motion
I want them on my mouth
your nipples filling me as I suck and teas them

I am remembering how it felt to be dressed only in a flowing gown completely open for the world to see what lay beneath as I took your manhood in my hand watching a cyclist progressing uphill towards us

nibbing at your tight scrunched up flesh

Oh yes, what a delicious memory. Ho so beautiful you were laying back exposing you body to my feasting eyes

before lowering my head into your inviting lap working you into a frenzy sucking your love juice into my mouth

sheer joy you were to my eyes

I often feel you engulf my cock SN
the memory never leaves me
it was beautiful to feel you mouth upon me

the feelings of utter elation as you shot hot spunk into my waiting mouth then sharing it with my willing partner

I adored you for that my sweet dear lady

that afternoon wil never leave my memory nor will our other memories but that one is extra special

I’m so utterly thrilled it is so special to you, because it’s the most beautifully sexual experience of my life and I adore you for giving me such a beautiful memory of you

my darling I lust you so heartily I would gladly give you any memory your desire wishes

I adore you both body and mind

Thank you my dear sweet lady, I adore you for that and i adore you for the seeds of vulgarity you plant in my mind

they grow into exquisite flowers

hee hee I was just thinking something similar

I am now thinking of reaching for my smooth cold metal vibrator to plunge into the hot wet swollen flesh of my budding lips………..which in turn reminds me of the time Itried to carry out your wish that I should keep this same vibrator buzzing inside me during an evening out
Ha Ha! You were so slipper you couldn’t mamage it

yes

I would love to spend an evening with you, out and about in polite company knowing you were buzzing blissfully between your heavenly ample thighs

of course I am now wet with lust for you …….there is a throbbing between my thighs even before any kind of toy is applied

I want you cunt on my mouth SN

for that I must inflict these on your delicious frame

sit on me push you sex and wet lips to my face and let me feel your hotness

Oh God my dear sween lustly angel
I adore you kisses

careful what you wish for my darling as you will have me gushing so much wih pleasure that you will be in danger of drowning

plunge the steel into your perfect cunt and feel it as though it were me

slide your tongue between my lips

Ahhhhh I can taste you sweet salty sex
and it’s like nectar

let me feel you lapping at my juice that is such sweet evidence of my lust

Hummmmmmmmm
so tasty my dear so rudely tasty vulgar and divin
I adore your lust for it

already you have me feeling light headed in my delirium as your fingers and mouth work on my aching body

push into your cunt and out again feel the vibrations

insert you toys into your sex and let me lick your tight bum
69 with me my darling
and put my cock in your mouth
and let me watch you as you toy with your vibrator

Have you another one?

mmmm  don’t think I need to be asked more thasn once to savour your lovely cock

would you fuck me with you vibrator while you suck my cock?

anything darling

I would adore the vulgarity of it

slowly at first before turning up the speed

vulgarity
no darling this isn’t vulgar this is esquisite

Ooooo  know absolutley- I can just feel the sensation of you filling me with your toy

I can feel the lovely vibrations reaching through to your cock as I continue to lick and suck

I want to slide another up you bum and press my lips to you cunt and lick you
suck you deep into my mouth with the vibrations buzzing inside us both Hummmmmmmmmm\

wow I was about to demand that you do just that   x
I can think of nothing better

we know one another  oh so very well my darling

thats one of the reasons I lust and adore you so very much

Fuck me darling
suck me too
take me

oh baby Im cumming
I need you so much

Oh how sweet you are cum all over me my dearest cucm cum gush and cum cover me
in your sweet climactic juice

yedrfchfghjh  ohhhhhhhhhhhh        mmmymybanyjtgggg
fuck fuck fuck fuck

drwon me me in you lust and happiness

oh yess  my darling oh yess
cum cum cum cum
I want to cum too
into your mouth

ooooooooooh yesssssssss

suck me fuck me
fuck me suck me more I’m cuming

god yesss honey
into your moth my dear sewwn lady

I’m sucking

take it all
don’t swollow
you know what I want of you

yes I do mmmmmm

let me see my spunk dibble from you sweet lips

Im sucking you draining every drop into my hungry mouth

Hummmmmmmm I keep ejaculating more and more

exquisite joy \
nooowwww kisss me

x
ahhhhh

sharing with you is so wonderful

sweet nectar of lust

make or faces wet with my spunk
sensually sliding our lips over one another
with a the strong scent of sex

tongues doing the tango

tongue fuck my mouth in all that spunk

I can still taste my juice in your mouth too

your lips are divine
and your juices too

lets swallow and kiss and cuddle and kiss some more and fondle and cherish
one another

mmmm

as we cuddle closer and closer
I adore your SN

spent from our mutual pleasure

you’re beautiful
soft
sensual

you are one in a million Sebastian

how dear a sweet girl you are

maybe thats why I am alone on valentines day………..all those other men have a hard act to match

Oh surley not my dear
someone out there must be just as naughty

there is only onw way I would have preferred to spend valentines afternnon  than like this


oh yes there are but it is more than just being naughty

And what way would that be?

for it to  have been real but you already knew that was what I would say

I know, I was fishing for the compliment

I want to kiss your sweet cunt right now

and you knew you woul get one

I’m incorigible

yes
want to be tender with you
caress you

pet and pamper you
hold you close and feel you reciprocate

you have done just by being here now

I do so adore your sensuality and sexuality

you’re gorgeous SN simply gorgeous

and I adore your gentleness and impeccable timing

of course your filthy mind comes in handy too

and it’s all down to your perfect femininity

mmmmm I could kiss you

and you filthy mind as well
and me you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

our minds seem to have a way of triggerig something in each other

I want to kiss your bottom playfully

hee hee

we must be sexually kindred spirits

yes
Now I want to do that all over again
I’m just not getting my work done!!

yummy


nothing new there then

I so want to fuck you for real SN
I want to see your lovely face light up with pleasure

my consultant says I need to be fucked hard and often

Ah, of course the tightened cunt
well, perhaps the prescribed treatment should be adhered to

How’s work, any time off?

work is good and I found out on friday that I shall be entitled to 2 extra days this yr

Ooo and what will you do with those then?

depends on what offers I get

I’d like to say I could book a room at the dorchester and order Champaign

and tickle it into you cunt and drink from it
and spend the whole day under silk sheets

its always good to have dreams

Ah, but the Champaign doesn’t have to be a dream does it?

certainly not

I can feel those bubbles fizzing away already

You hussy you
shall we play then?

giggles impishly

Oh dear, the Champaign has gone to her head!
Now I can do anything with her!!!

you could anyway and you know it

what it is to have you SN, you’ll just never appreciate how wonderful it is for me

if its anywhere as wonderful as you make me feel then you are a very lucky man

indeed I am xxxx

and now I’m begining to feel horny all over again
Just put me down!!

down boy

and you tiger
SN, will you forgive me if I go and do some work?

of course …………….but first

Oh

thanks for a lovely afternoon

Darling it was such a pleasure. I adored it
and I still want you more and more

Dearest Darling Sebastian I lust you as much now as I did however many years ago now go do you work …………..if you can

Where do I find the will power?

in the knowledge that your castle needs you to find it

But you are my castle
my rock

castle in the air

my strength

Ah of course
bless you my darling
until the next time

mwah

God, I so want you

mwah mwah

Posted in adult fantasy, anal pleasure, car sex, celebration of womanhood, cocks, cybersex, illicit encounters, Instant Messaging, married men, mind fuck, open air sex, pleasure pain, sex mad, skin on skin, Uncategorized, virtual affair, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

From zero to 500% libido in one go

Posted by secretlynaughty on February 12, 2010

Chatting to a friend today about my libido caused me to think about the sudden change in me a few years ago. During and after my treatment for Cervical cancer in my late 30s I was often asked…………

How is your libido?

I don’t have any

My reply was alway the same. I hadn’t been interested in sex for a long time, probably since the birth of my second son. Oh we still had sex about 3 or 4 times a year but I didn’t enjoy it. Sex had become an unwelcome chore, about as enjoyable as cleaning the toilet but still has to be done. When I found out I was pregnant again it was easy to work out that I was already 4 months as it had been that long since we had had sex. It was a pity really because I had enjoyed sex before I became a mother. At one time he said it was the sex that kept us together. Thats funny as we were only together 6 months before I became pregnant.

Anyway back to my libido or lack of. Each visit to the hospital I was asked the question about my libido. Why were they so interested in my sex life? I was told that my treatment had made the walls of my cervix very tacky (as in sticky) meaning that the walls of my cervix could pull together and close up. The best way to prevent this was regular intercourse. As you can imagine I did not greet this news with any enthusiasm. If anything my reaction was more one of utter horror. They actually expected me to have sex!! not only that but because I believe in fidelity that meant sex with HIM!!

Because I wasn’t having intercourse I was given a set of dilators to use on my vagina to keep me in working order. Yes I did use these but infrequently and only really the two smaller ones.  Besides it didn’t matter if my cervix closed up as that would be a really good excuse never to have sex again. I only needed a cervix if I was going t be having sex and I wasn’t.

But a year later I was given a new hormone treatment. Although it was big news in the media that HRT increases the risk of breast cancer, I was to continue having hormone replacement to reduce the risk of cancer o the womb. After a few days of taking these new tablets which were progesterone in addition to my 6 monthly implants of oestrogen and testosterone, my body reacted so violently that I felt as though I was in labour. Impossible !! so I knew it wasn’t that.

I saw my consultant who told me to continue taking the tablets. I scoured the internet and discovered that progesterone is known as the well woman hormone. Women who take progesterone feel so much better, younger and energetic but so many women don’t persevere long enough for the hormone to settle down, producing the desired effects. I persevered ‘for one more week’ just long enough to feel the benefits.

I don’t remember now but it must have been about 3 weeks from first taking these that I noticed the changes. I felt not 10 years younger but 20, my energy levels were far higher than ever before in my life. I am told that it was like watching someone on uppers, I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, I didn’t need to eat, I felt on top of the world. But if this wasn’t enough to cope with I suddenly became aroused and stayed aroused for 4 days and nights continuously. My libido had just rocketed from zero to 500% in one go. I could think of little else but my throbbing clit, the desire for stimulation and release. But what could I do, I had a husband who I did not desire, did not wish to have touching me. Masturbation was not an easy option, the privacy to do so was not easy to find, not whilst I was sharing a house with my husband and our sons.

Even while I was going through this frantic energetic time I was aware that I couldn’t stay like that for too long before I would come crashing back to earth with a bang. In less than a week the crash happened, I was at work, excused myself and went home as fast as I could to my bed. I felt very sick and incredibly tired. Next day I had recovered sufficiently to function normally again. My hormones were settling down, I still had more energy and felt as though I was about 20 yrs old. But the frantic racing around had subsided, I could get n with my life again. But there was just one small problem. This new libido that I was living with.

My sex drive had gone from zero to 500% in days and had now settled on a calmer but still much healthier 200%. What could I do? I desperately wanted in fact needed sex, but not with HIM. I didn’t and still don’t believe in cheating on my partner. I don’t condemn others for what they do but it is not something I can do. So I was stuck feeling incredibly horny but not wanting to do anything about it with the man who shared my bed. Weeks turned into months and I was still horny and unable to satisfy my need. My marriage had never been a good one, but now it was disintegrating, I felt that I would be better off without HIM. Both sexually and emotionally. Several times we reached the brink and drew back until that day when enough was enough. I filed for divorce, against his wishes and began sleeping on the sofa.

3 months later I could wait nolonger and began my quest to find the first new ma .n in my life for 20 years. I met Don, after a couple of dates  I was ready to sleep with him. I was very very nervous having only slept with one man for 20 years and only a few others before him. It was great, I couldn’t get enough, I found out that when aroused I squirt. I continued to see Don on and off for 6 months. He referred to me as a nympho, saying that he would wake in the night look at me and think …………oh no! she wants it again!  (and this was a man who thought of very little except sex).

When we broke up that summer I was very angry with him and determined that he was history. But that left me without sex. That was when I made a tentative exploration of the world that is Adult friend finder. On my profile I mentioned a need to find someone willing to show me more about sex. Within hours I was inundated with offers. Sifting through the messages selecting and rejecting I soon had a list of prospective men. Soon I was meeting men many of them became friends and quite a few became lovers although I did narrow them down to four regulars with another 40 to waiting meet me. My libido now was such that if I wasn’t having sex at least 3 or 4 times a week I became extremely frustrated. After an initial reticence I discovered that more and more I was drawn to married men. For a while I didn’t care if the men I was having sex with were married as long as I was having great sex with them. This phase lasted about 6 months before I calmed down and settled for my regular lovers. It was then that I began to experiment.

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