Secretlynaughty’s Weblog

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where do I turn to?

Posted by secretlynaughty on June 29, 2010

This is one of those times when I could do with someone to talk over my situation with. To voice my thoughts and feelings, to see if its only me who sees things the way I do.  Am I being silly to be wary, should I just go with the flow. Should I just go for it or should I hold back?  Normally I would discuss any prospective relationship with a female friend. But who could I talk to about why I feel hesitant without telling them about my secret life.

I tried to talk to Dave about it. All he can see is a guy who is smitten with me. When I tried to describe the strange behaviour that has me in this quandry he could see nothing unusual.  He thinks I should go for it but hold back if that makes me feel better.

If I go for this it will be a big change in my personal life, a change of direction. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here.

You are probably wondering what the hell I’m on about and where has this suddenly come from.

Did you read about the fun I had here? well if you did you will notice that I met someone I liked quite a lot. It was I believe mutual. If you read this you will have noticed that he couldn’t tear himself away from me. He lives about an hour away from here. When I got home from the party I went online and was chatting to Dave as well as writing the first post about the night. I hadn’t been home for long when I saw an email arrive, when I went to read it I discovered that it was in fact the second email in half an hour, barely an hour after leaving the party, less than 2 hours after saying good night. Next thing I know my mobile phone is ringing with an unidentified number. We chat for a few minues even though it is gone 3am!

In the morning I receive an IM invite, we chat briefly before I have to go out on family business. By lunch time he has text me to check he has the right number. In the late afternoon we chat on messenger again, he wants to see me at the weekend. He will book a hotel room  mid way between us so we can have most of the weekend together. He emails me with details of a hotel even giving me a link so I can see what it is like. I go off to cook dinner while he makes the booking. On my return there is an email saying he has changed his mind……….he can’t bring himself to book hotel. He wants me to stay with him at his home.

Next day he leaves an email saying he has deleted his messenger and its email address. He still wants me to visit him at his home.

Is it just me or is this strange behaviour?

We have been exchanging emails and he now wants us to meet at his local pub for a drink before going back to his place.  I have asked him what it is he wants from me? (I have never done that before) Obviously he does want sex but is that all he wants me for?


We chatted briefly on IM last night which reassured me a little, however today I got home from work to find 3 emails. first asking what I like to eat, second saying we should not meet as both of us are potentially promiscuous. third can we have cybersex.

Ok so now I am having serious doubts about this man’s sanity.

Almost as soon as I had read these emails he was online chatting normally. After a while he tells me that he is unwell.  He doesn’t say in what way but that I should stay away from him. Then I watch my screen in amazement as he starts telling me what he can offer me this weekend……….basically it boils down to a long drive for me for a few hours sex. (at my own expense ~ he had previously said he would contribute to my fuel). I decline, we say goodbye and I go out for a few hours.

When I am back online he is waiting for me………….what would I like to chat about tonight? I choose music (everyone likes music in one form or another). Within minutes he changes the subject asking why I got divorced. I told him my husband was/is an alcoholic who mentally abused me for many years. Then the bombshell came……….I would never have guessed that he had mentally abused his wife. We discussed this at length both from my experience and his. It was interesting to hear about the abusive behaviour from the abuser’s side. How he feels about it, did he know what he was doing etc.

He tells me that he really really wants me but I must stay away. He then alternates between telling me to stay away and asking me questions about the night we met. Who was best etc, I refuse to answer questions that compare one man against another. He asks me if I still want to visit him.

‘I had to fight hard to escape from one abusive situation I would be stupid to put myself into a similar situation again especially if I know in advance’

He agrees with me, but incredibly he sends me a photo of his bed with a mask and some rope in an attempt to entice me to visit him………….it doesn’t work.

I did like the man I met the other day. I am glad he felt able to tell me what he did but I shall be staying away.

8 Responses to “where do I turn to?”

  1. Petal said

    If your instincts are telling you it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If you still want to see him, suggest that you perhaps have a couple of neutral ground meetings first. Your right, its kinda odd behaviour.

    • secretlynaughty said

      Hi Petal it is good to have a comment from you, I know that you read but don’t often comment just as I don’t often comment on your blog.

      I am feeling a little easier now that we have exchanged several emails in the last hour and hes now suggested that he loads msn which I have replied would be a good idea so we can get better aquainted.

      sn x

  2. Rosie said

    I would think that if he met you at the hotel, located half-way between you, that would mean he is being thoughtful and considerate. His attitude does seem that it is sex and only sex on his mind. Don’t you feel that he is not seeing you as a real person.

  3. Grump said

    Definitely don’t go to his house. Not yet anyway. If you are going to meet up do it in a very public place.
    Get to know him via MSN and email. When you feel the vibes are right arrange to meet in a pub or restaurant.
    Just take care.

  4. ronjazz said

    Honey, always, always meet in public first. I don’t care if you fucked him 20 times that night. By doing so in public, you protect yourself and you assume a small bit of control in the experience. You are no pushover, and he needs to know that.

  5. nitebyrd said

    SN, I’m with everyone else. Proceed with great caution. I’ve read the posts to catch up and this man does not seem very stable. Take special care and listen to your instincts.

  6. Rosie said

    Wow, I just caught up with the second part of the story. He certainly seemed quite odd, perhaps because of his mental condition. You were wise to avoid him.

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