Because he’s a man

Is it because he is a man that he thinks this way?

It is only a matter of weeks since his wife told him she knew what he had been up to. She had got someone to do a search of his computer while he was out. She had suspected that he was messing about with other women. Apparently they found evidence of his meeting other women (I don’t know how far back this went) but they didn’t find anything about the two of us (he says). There were days of tears and heart to heart talks. He admitted that due to the way things were at home he was going elsewhere to find sex. His freedom to come and go has been reduced (understandably). There has been an increase in family events (showing a united front ~ that’s my guess).

At the start of this week he asked me what I was doing on Friday night. She is going out for a girly night and wouldn’t be home until Saturday. During the week I asked him what the plan was, maybe he was expecting to stay here (not very likely with my teenagers in the house). Perhaps he was thinking of booking a hotel room for the night……..lets hope he wasn’t expecting me to spend the night at his home.

We went out for a meal (very nice it was too) then driving back he said he had to go home to take a tablet he had forgotten to take with him. He parks up in his drive, gets out asking if I was coming in. No I’m ok here (he’s only going to be a minute so no point). He was literally only a minute (I counted) and we drove off to my place which is only about a mile away.

Once my youngest had ‘gone to bed’  after chatting to us for a while, we got down to being intimate. Kissing, cuddling, fondling, licking and sucking etc. It was very nice but didn’t go as far as I would have liked.  we were both very tired after a hectic working week. He went home at about midnight, the red wine I had drunk ensured that I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Last night we chatted on msn. He mentioned that he ad invited me into his home but been refused. He thought that it had been obvious that in asking me if I was coming in he was offering his home for us to have some fun in private. I had to explain to him that I couldn’t go into his house. (I have stayed there about half a dozen times in the last 17 months). I would not have been able to relax, I would have been paranoid that every sound was his wife coming home.  He replied that she had been out for the night and only came home mid afternoon.

Now maybe it’s because I am a woman that I felt uncomfortable with the idea of having sex in his wife’s home when she is less than 10 miles away. (on previous occasions she has been out of the country). Maybe it is because she now knows that he has been playing away from home. Maybe it is because I was married to a control freak who monitored my every move.

Especially as it has only been weeks since the fall out of his sexual life, I don’t understand why she is trusting him to behave while she is out. Wouldn’t she have rung the home phone to check he was there and when there was no answer wouldn’t she have rung his mobile. Wouldn’t she have been tempted to go home to make sure he was there (alone). If I was his wife I would be checking up on him more than she seems to be doing. I don’t know if that is because I am a woman or because that is the way my husband behaved (I was not playing a way and never did until I divorced him).

I said that she must trust him to behave………….his reply was that he had behaved himself………we didn’t have full sex. He believes that it is not sex if it is not full penetrative sex. Therefore he is behaving himself. I seriously doubt that his wife would see it that way. If my partner (I should be so lucky) had his cock in another woman’s mouth or his fingers/tongue in another woman’s pussy, I would not say……. that’s ok darling ,you were not having full sex, I accept that you were behaving yourself :). No if I ever found out that my partner was even kissing and cuddling another woman let alone indulging in oral sex (the clue is in the name …….oral SEX) I would definitely make my feelings known.

It would probably be the end of the relationship, either because I would end it there and then or because I would become a paranoid nightmare. Checking on him constantly that he was where he was meant to be and not with some floosie he was having sex with (I don’ t include myself under the title of floosie) and drive him away anyway.

So is it a typical male view that sex is only really sex if it includes full penetration?

I wonder if he would feel the same way if it was his wife who was doing what we do (with another guy) I suspect he would be very angry. I suspect he makes the rules to fit his own agenda. There is a lot of bravado when he is challenged, he will do what he wants and see who he wants and if she doesn’t like it tough!

I have long thought that he is very arrogant in the way he conducts his private life. He was bound to get caught out eventually. He thinks nothing of having a text conversation with me during a family meal. He wasn’t bothered about chatting to me in the pub when his wife was no more than 4′ away.

None of the other married men I have known have been so blazé about their sexual lives outside their marriage.

I don’t understand how a man can contemplate having sex with another woman in the home he shares with his wife especially if he still loves his wife. Certainly not in her bed (in this case she has a double bed while he has a single bed).

Maybe it is just me who thinks this way ……….after all I am having sex with her husband so why worry about using her home or even her bed too.