Secretlynaughty’s Weblog

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Beyond vanilla

Posted by secretlynaughty on December 19, 2010

The subject has arisen again.

BDSM, am I into it and if so in which role?

Am I Vanilla or not?

I suspect that anyone who is vanilla would if they knew what I have done in recent years,  say that I am not vanilla (that is if they even knew what being vanilla meant).

I suspect that anyone heavily into BDSM would say that I am little more than vanilla.

I was vanilla until a few years ago when I joined the world of sex bloggers. From the moment I began reading other sex blogs and discussing various aspects of sex with other sex bloggers my interest in sex beyond vanilla began to grow. Some of my favourite blogs from those early days have since ceased to be. Two of my favourite bloggers of that time were the very educational and sexy Cherrie and the delightfully adventurous La Fille. They are both missed (at least by me).

During this time I discovered in myself a need to try out a variety of things I had previously felt were no go areas for me.

There was the time a good friend (he was the one who introduced me to sex blogs in the first place) agreed to give me my first experience of being spanked/caned. I was astounded by my ability to cope with pain as have always believed myself to be a total wimp where pain is concerned. Since then sadly I have not experienced any further caning however I have been spanked (not seriously but in fun). Dave is quite happy to spank me and has also been the only man who has actually tied me up to a degree although others have said they would. Probably the most serious spanking I have had apart from that very first time was at the swingers party Dave took me to where my favourite room was the dungeon.

Who would have ever thought someone as shy and selfconscience as I would ever put on a show for doggers.

I have had many conversations with a variety of men about being in a Dom/sub relationship. This is something I am curious about and reading about it turns me on big time. But although quite a few men have shown an interest in the concept I have not found any who would do this with me properly. Some are merely interested in making a woman do whatever they want without caring about doing ao with care and love. I have discussed it with Dave as he seems to be the only one in my life who is capable of giving me the kind of sex I crave, but he says he could never be dominant.

I have had numerous conversations (mainly in the past) about whether I am submissive. I believe that I do have a tendency to allow my partner to lead me in sex. But there are times when I feel a need to be the one in control. There fore I believe that I am for the most part submissive but could never be totally controlled.

Ages ago I came across a BDSM quiz which I took and posted the results here. I think it would be interestin now to take the test again if it still exists just to see if the results come out the same as before.

BDSM Quiz

my result first time:

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch
96%
Experimental
89%
Submissive
86%
Bondage
82%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
75%
Masochist
71%
Dominant
61%
Sadist
54%
Degradation Lover
54%
Vanilla
21%

my result this time is :

You Scored as Switch

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch
100%
Experimental
93%
Bondage
93%
Submissive
86%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
86%
Sadist
86%
Masochist
82%
Dominant
71%
Degradation Lover
46%
Vanilla
18%

3 Responses to “Beyond vanilla”

  1. keatsjohnkeats said

    You should just let yourself be who you are, without labels or comparisons. You have fun with who you are, and it matters not how others might perceive it. Keep being the adventurous babe that you are.

  2. Rosie said

    I’m remembering Cherrie, if it’s the same person. She was a wonderful writer and I really miss her as I miss a number of others. It seems that reading the various blogs exposes us to so many new and interesting ideas – and makes the unusual seem commonplace. We’ll never be totally ‘vanilla’ again. But it’s difficult to explain the change to someone who hasn’t had similar experiences. My hope is to someday find a man who also reads some of the blogs and that would then become a shared experience that we could use for ideas and inspiration.

  3. charlie said

    I am also a switch.. Part of being sub is to help me to understand what my partner is feeling when I am the dom…You should ask Dave if he would mind being your sub and show him what you would like…Most Important thing is being able to talk about what you want and both of you be willing to bring it about…

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