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Beyond vanilla

Posted by secretlynaughty on December 19, 2010

The subject has arisen again.

BDSM, am I into it and if so in which role?

Am I Vanilla or not?

I suspect that anyone who is vanilla would if they knew what I have done in recent years,  say that I am not vanilla (that is if they even knew what being vanilla meant).

I suspect that anyone heavily into BDSM would say that I am little more than vanilla.

I was vanilla until a few years ago when I joined the world of sex bloggers. From the moment I began reading other sex blogs and discussing various aspects of sex with other sex bloggers my interest in sex beyond vanilla began to grow. Some of my favourite blogs from those early days have since ceased to be. Two of my favourite bloggers of that time were the very educational and sexy Cherrie and the delightfully adventurous La Fille. They are both missed (at least by me).

During this time I discovered in myself a need to try out a variety of things I had previously felt were no go areas for me.

There was the time a good friend (he was the one who introduced me to sex blogs in the first place) agreed to give me my first experience of being spanked/caned. I was astounded by my ability to cope with pain as have always believed myself to be a total wimp where pain is concerned. Since then sadly I have not experienced any further caning however I have been spanked (not seriously but in fun). Dave is quite happy to spank me and has also been the only man who has actually tied me up to a degree although others have said they would. Probably the most serious spanking I have had apart from that very first time was at the swingers party Dave took me to where my favourite room was the dungeon.

Who would have ever thought someone as shy and selfconscience as I would ever put on a show for doggers.

I have had many conversations with a variety of men about being in a Dom/sub relationship. This is something I am curious about and reading about it turns me on big time. But although quite a few men have shown an interest in the concept I have not found any who would do this with me properly. Some are merely interested in making a woman do whatever they want without caring about doing ao with care and love. I have discussed it with Dave as he seems to be the only one in my life who is capable of giving me the kind of sex I crave, but he says he could never be dominant.

I have had numerous conversations (mainly in the past) about whether I am submissive. I believe that I do have a tendency to allow my partner to lead me in sex. But there are times when I feel a need to be the one in control. There fore I believe that I am for the most part submissive but could never be totally controlled.

Ages ago I came across a BDSM quiz which I took and posted the results here. I think it would be interestin now to take the test again if it still exists just to see if the results come out the same as before.


my result first time:

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Exhibitionist / Voyeur
Degradation Lover

my result this time is :

You Scored as Switch

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Exhibitionist / Voyeur
Degradation Lover

Posted in adult fantasy, BDSM, being caned, bisexual, blogging, celebration of womanhood, cocks, dogging, Dom/sub, fetish, group sex, light bondage, mind fuck, pleasure pain, randomness, Sex bloggers, sex mad, skin on skin, spanking, Uncategorized, voyeurism | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

She did it

Posted by secretlynaughty on October 31, 2010

Recently I wrote that my libido was low my mojo was missing my sex drive has snuck away ……… ever you like to say it my need for sex has been eluding me. Sorry nitebyrd if you thought the next post about my night with Nigel was my libodo returning (that post was about a night a few yrs ago after my first ever spanking/caning). It was what Riff would call a ‘filler post’.

A few minutes ago I decided to catch up on Yummy’s blog. Scrolling through a number of posts I had missed my eye caught on this line.

1 woman pushed a toy inside me while she was taken by the therapist

Just that one line did it for me, suddenly I was aroused and reaching inside my clothes, giving myself the first orgasm I had had in days and this one had not been premeditated. Thank you Yummy for helping me to find my libido again.


Posted in adult fantasy, bisexual, blogging, girl on girl, group sex, randomness, Sex bloggers, sex mad, sex toys | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

something a little different

Posted by secretlynaughty on October 30, 2010

I had a friend request from someone on facebook who has Riff Dog as a mutual friend. Of course anyone who has Riff as a friend has to be considered worth adding as a friend. (Obviously as I am also a friend of Riff’s that must mean that I am also worth being friends with for all his other friends yes?).  Anyway this new friend Atlantic and I have been exchanging a fair number of messages. During the course of these messages the subject of my voice came up. Well thats natural right? after all my voice is a valuable asset to me. I think perhaps I should be taking out an insurance policy just on my voice.

My voice is what you could call a hidden asset. Ok so I also have other hidden assets which you have been lucky enough to glimpse through this blog. But my voice is something you have never been able to see. Personally I do not like the sound of my voice…………yes I know I can talk for ever when I have a mind to……I think I may be addicted to talking. But when ever I hear recordings of my voice I hear a thin tinny whine which is soooooo cringe worthy. But through my work I spend a lot of time on the phone. I am told that talking to me is like being caressed. yeah right! I am told I have a sexy voice…….what could be sexy about it? I am told I have a very cheeky voice. All this has led to me thinking that I would love to be one of the voices used on SAT NAV. But that is just a dream that I will probably never do anything about.

However about 6 months or so ago I was thinking about trying to record myself reading some of my stories that my readers could then access through my blog. I then discovered that my friend Ms cake had already set up a library of her own stories that you could buy. I didn’t want to copy what she was doing as we are not clones. I did however as an experiment record 2 or 3 readings which I then emailed to my friend Blogger (being on another continent we couldn’t just pick up a phone). I found it difficult to read in a manner that would bring out the sexyness of the story and reflect my natural way of speaking. I didn’t continue with the project and had almost forgotten about it until Atlantic said that he would love to hear my voice. I located one of these recordings and emailed it to him.  Next day I found this reply

That was great. I loved your voice. So sexy. I could listen to you all night!

He has since mentioned that he would love to hear more of my sexy voice. so I thought I would let you lovely readers have the opportunity to hear the piece I sent to him (bearing in mind this was six months ago and I have not listened to it myself since then) …..yes I know I could have a listen now but as I said I don’t like the sound of my voice. If you listen to this and like it I might be persuaded to make more recordings………….I wonder if I could do them without having to hear them myself ……….yeah I know stupid idea.

each night 2

I hope this is worth it as I have just had to pay to upgrade my blog in order to upload this file……….good thing I have just been paid 🙂


I am now adding my second recording which Atlantic has now heard and liked. I had a suprise visit from Karl after lunch today and I played this to him (it is purely coincidence that I am waiting for him to install a new shower for me). I wanted to know if my voice on the recording is anything like my actual voice. He says that it is.

shower 2

I hope you enjoy this.

Posted in creative writing, randomness, Sex bloggers | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

getting hot and bothered with facebook

Posted by secretlynaughty on September 12, 2010

It has been a week now since I started my new facebook account in the name of Anna Jay. I have lots of nice new friends and it hasn’t done this blog any harm either as I noticed that my stats have increased and yesterday was a record day.

But what I really like is the new friends I have some of them I would never have found without this fb account. I have found Easily Aroused who I had mistakenly thought had given up writing on his blog a few years ago. Even though it has been a few years since last reading his blog some of his fantasies are indelibly etched on my mind. His writing has never failed to make me very hot and wet.

There are others who I had never heard of before but I shall enjoy getting to know them. I love the sexy profile pictures but I also like some of the links that are being posted. I have found myself particularly drawn to the pictures from double the pleasure. I may be more straight than Bi although I am a little curious these pictures of nubile young women kissing and fondling have got me more than a little wet. I have had to remove my knickers and sit on a folded towel while I write this post. I have checked out all 3 pages of pictures that can be sent as gifts to friends……..who wants one? But for me I think my favourite is Heidi and Sandi but they are all very hot and I am now highly aroused. I would love to be in a clinch with any of the girls featured. If you want to see what I am talking about have a gander at this. Male or female you won’t be able to resist, I know I couldn’t resist squeezing my left nipple while my right hand worked on my already wet and engorged clit just thinking about them.

I have also found a game I didn’t know about which has currently got me hooked………..would it suprise you to know I have been playing The Sex Game. I am of course neither a monogamist or a player but a nympho (what else?). I could do with some friends to help me though.

Posted in adult fantasy, bisexual, blogging, celebration of womanhood, creative writing, girl on girl, randomness, Sex bloggers | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »


Posted by secretlynaughty on September 5, 2010

I have been on facebook for a few years now although selective of who I add as friends 95% are real life friends/family some are friends through blogging. Recently there have been more and more bloggers I know through this blog. So rather than keep adding too many bloggers who will then have access to my personal life I have now created a new profile as Secretly naughty, unfortunately the automated system didn’t like the name Secretly naughty so I am using one of my pseudonyms Anna Jay. Those of you who are already friends on my personal facebook will get invites to this one also.

If anyone else would like to be a friend please let me know

I am currently using this as my profile picture

Posted in blogging, randomness, Sex bloggers | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

could we swallow

Posted by secretlynaughty on August 26, 2010

You may or may not have read my recent post from fellatio to mistress. Basically Karl had assumed that I am one of the many women who don’t or won’t swallow. He had never asked me if I do or would. He had just assumed that becasue I had never told him that I do. In the year and a half since I first started seeing him we have not had that many opportunities to have full sex. We have indulged in sex in his car/van (although apart from once not too long ago that was mostly last year). I have not known him to come in all the time I known him.

For a while I thought it was something I was doing wrong, why did he never come with me. why could I not make him come. Then I gave up worrying about it, he had been telling me that I give the best blow job he has ever had so I know it isn’t anything I was doing wrong. Now though I realise that he has been holding back because he didn’t think I would swallow.

Jenny swallows left a comment on my previous post saying she had found the same kind of assumption from guys she knows.

so what I want to know is do most men assume that most women/girls will not swallow.

Are you missing out because you make these assumptions?

Have you asked the women you have slept with and been turned down?

Girls how many men have assumed that you don’t swallow but never asked?

Posted in blogging, car sex, cocks, Sex bloggers | Tagged: , , | 19 Comments »

When Wet is too wet

Posted by secretlynaughty on August 22, 2010

If you didn’t know by now I am an avid reader of blogs like Yummy’s. But apart from that I also chat online quite often with various male friends. (I am not including either Dave of Karl in this). I read about women giving themselves orgasms at work and various other places. Some of the men I chat to including Blogger, Fred, Sebastian and Nigel expect me to be doing the same as Yummy does.

Ok so I have been known to have orgasms in a variety of places and sometimes it take nothing more than a kiss or touch from my lover of the moment. I love to have orgasms al fresco.

But to have a surreptitious orgasm when I am out and about in public or at my desk at work is just not possible. Ok so it would be possible, There are times I could easily give myself an orgasm without anybody suspecting ……………until I stand up.

I don’t even need to have an orgasm, it only takes me to be slightly aroused and I feel the heat running between my thighs ….literally. There are times when I am so aroused that I don’t even know I am making myself and anything I am sitting or standing on soaking wet. I can’t even have an impromptu orgasm in my own home without getting a folded town to put under me, that kind of takes the edge of it being impromptu.

This is why I say that giving myself orgasms in public is not possible, it is possible just not possible to do without giving myself away.

Can anyone help me to find a way of having an orgasm without getting so wet? I know that guys love that I get so wet but it does become a nuisance at times. It also prevents me from having illicit fun without worrying that I will leave a wet mess behind.

Posted in adult fantasy, blogging, celebration of womanhood, masturbation, open air sex, Sex bloggers, wishing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »


Posted by secretlynaughty on August 17, 2010

Keatsjohnkeats has raised the question of how open I am about my activities.  I feel perhaps I should explain for those who have only been reading this blog for a limited time what exactly my situation is, if I even know that myself. I change my mind all the time as is my prerogative being of the female species.

I am female (I hope that, that much is obvious), I am old enough to know better and young enough to enjoy it. I broke free of the shackles of a disastrous marriage to an objectionable man 20 years after choosing not to be involved in life because I had, had my heart-broken and didn’t wish to repeat the experience. I married a man I didn’t love, I let life pass me by without taking part. My one contribution to the world at large was the creation of several bright well-mannered young people. I became dangerously ill at a time when my children needed me. Against the predictions of my then husband I refused to die………….as you can tell I won that battle. I accepted my illness as a wake up signal to start living again.

I   cut loose……I began dating, I am single again and this time I have a better idea of what I do and don’t want. I have begun to celebrate my sexuality instead of being ashamed of it. I go through phases, sometimes all I want is a stable relationship, one where  I am completely committed to that one man. At other times and this is one of those, I rejoice in being single, I see several men simultaneously. During these phases I explore my sexuality and push my boundaries. I try to discover how far I am willing to go. I do things I wouldn’t do if I were in a committed relationship.

Whilst I am exploring my sexual boundaries I join adult sites like Adult friend finder and more recently Fab swingers. Since joining FAB I have enjoyed the social side of swinging as much as the sexual side. I joined forces with Karl to become a ‘couple’. We began meeting other couples, I was also seeing Dave, he is more adventurous than Karl. Dave has taken me to a local swinger club a couple of times. At the club I experienced a jacuzzi for the first time as well as seeing my first dungeon. I do enjoy the spanking benches. It was at the club that I discovered that being watched is not as embarassing as I had always imagined.

Since I joined forces with Karl we have met several other couples, mostly in social situations. One of the couples we came across are Bruce and Alice. We have met them twice now, both times with others and both times there has been lots of action. After the first time Bruce started texting me and we had a long telephone conversation. During this conversation we talked about spanking. I am not sure how the conversation got onto that topic. Since then he has been asking me to let him tie me to his four poster bed and be spanked.  Karl knows that I enjoy a little spanking as does Dave. Karl doesn’t like the idea of spanking at all, he doesn’t like the idea of pain even the slightest bit. Dave on the other hand is more willing to indulge me in whatever I desire.

Of all the people I know within our circle I have not discussed spanking with anyone else. However 3 years ago I talked about it with a fellow blogger. After several months of discussions he booked an hotel room where he spanked and caned me. There was nothing between us other than our friendship, this was purely an experiment so that I could experience what it would feel like. Later after he had gone Fred arrived to give me some TLC. He was the only other person I had told about what I was doing. Later still after Fred had gone Nigel arrived to spend a few hours with me.  It didn’t take him long to see the marks on my sore bum. Apart from those who read my blogs nobody else other than these few people know that I am interested in spanking.

Posted in A friend in need, adult fantasy, being caned, blogging, couples, fetish, group sex, illicit encounters, pleasure pain, Sex bloggers, sex mad, skin on skin, spanking, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Limits completed

Posted by secretlynaughty on August 10, 2010

Here are my comments on the list I posted here a couple of weeks ago. I started with A – B continued with C – D and   E – F and  G – H and  I, J, k, L, M & N then  O – R now I am completing the excercise with S – Z.some of these I have commented on already.

Saran wrap …………. see previous
Scarification  ………this goes against my instincts to shy away from permanent disfigurement of the body
Scratching – getting ………….I am sure I would be excited by this
Scratching – giving  ………..not as easy as it sounds …………I know ………I have tried
Sensory deprivation  …………..I can’t wait to try this ………with someone I trust implicitly
Serving …………..perhaps to a small degree as part of role play
Serving as art  ……… are joking right? me …… ha ha
Serving as ashtray .……..don’t be stupid ……….apart from anything else I am a non smoker
Serving as furniture …………do you like your furniture to wriggle ……….I’m not good at keeping still
Serving as a maid  .……….can I get you anything?
Serving as a toilet (urine)  …………..eeewwwwww
Serving as a toilet (feces)  .……………crap no!
Serving as waitress/waiter  ……….I’m a mother ……..what do you think I have been doing all these years
Serving orally (sexual)  ………….mmmmmmmmmmm
Serving other Doms (supervised)  .………….I can’t answer this
Serving other Doms (unsupervised) .………see above
Sexual deprivation (short term) ………….don’t you think I have suffered enough?
Sexual deprivation (long term)
…………see above
Shaving (body hair)  …………I have been doing this for years
Shaving (head hair)  ……… what lose my lovely hair ………….no thank you
Skinny dipping  ..………..hasn’t everyone at one time or another?
Sleep deprivation   …………………makes me tired and irritable
Sleep sacks ………..see previous
Slutty clothing (private) …….yes it has been known
Slutty clothing (public) …………occasionally but only in selected places with selected company
Spandex clothing  ……….. you can keep it
Spanking  …………yes
Speech restrictions (when/what)………….as if that could be possible for this chatter box
Speculums (anal) ……….what will they think of next?
Speculums (vaginal) ……….. you get used to them very quickly with regular use
Spitting  .……….didn’t your mum tell you that its rude to spit?
Spreader bars  …………..I wonder!
Standing in corner  .……..I can do that ……didn’t you see  the pictures?
………..I bet thats something else I’m too short for
Straight jackets  ………..some people make me feel like I am wearing an imaginary one…………I think a real one would be very difficult for me
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)  .……….the idea of strap ons does nothing for me
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)   .………see above
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)  .……….see above
Strapping (full body beating)  …………ummm probably not but you never know
Suspension (upright)  ……..this body is too weak and out of condition
Suspension (inverted)  .………never likely to have the strength of mind or body for this
Supplying new partners for Dom  ……….you mean I would have to share
Swallowing feces  .………not on your nelly
Swallowing semen  .………of course
Swallowing urine   …………….no not for me thank you
Swapping (with one other couple)  .……… always game for a bit of swapsies
Swinging (multiple couples) ………cum on you know me ……….the more the merrier
Tampon training (in ass) ………..gawd no …………..I would prefer a but plug
………….no this is one of my pet hates
Teasing  ………..didn’t you know that teasing is my middle name
TENS unit (electrical toy)  …………didn’t use one during labour so why would I want to now?
Thumb cuffs (metal) …………..see previous
Tickling     ……………have always love to tickle/be tickled but now learnt to control it
Triple Penetration  .……… next on my list of to do things
Urethral Sounds (metal rods) ………see previous
Uniforms    .………….I’m sure that will do nicely thanks
Including others  .………like I said…….the more the merrier
Vaginal dildo  …………so long as it isn’t too thick.

Verbal humiliation   .
……….maybe in small doses, might not have desired effect, 19 years of this from my ex
Vibrator on genitals   …………oh yes!!
Violet wand (electrical toy)  ……………can I give you my answer after I try one
Voyeurism (watching others)  …………mild interest but really only to get ideas
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)
………..this might not be as easy
Video (watching others)   ………..depends how real it is
Video (recordings of you)  .……………….just be careful who gets a copy
Water torture    …………don’t you think there is enough torture ans some would say enough water in the world
Waxing (hair removal)  .……not something I intend volunteering for
Wearing symbolic jewelry   ……….. expect so
Weight gain (forced)   .……… force required …………..just looking adds weight
Weight loss (forced)    .………if only this would work
Whipping  .……… can I ?
Wooden paddles   ……….how do they compare to leather ones?
Wrestling     …………do I get to practice my special moves?

So now you know

Posted in BDSM, double standards, fetish, group sex, married men, randomness, Sex bloggers, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Don’t touch

Posted by secretlynaughty on July 22, 2010

In a recent post by Yummy she stated that when she is stressed she needs among other things to have her throat held. For me that would be a cause of stress.

I don’t know why but I have never liked anything around my neck. I don’t wear clothes that have a high neck. I could never wear a necklace that was close to my throat.

When I first met my ex husband he occasionally tried to touch my throat and I always pushed him away.  I don’t think there was anything else he could have done that would freak me out more ………..apart from when he used to chase me around the house with his finger prick needle (I don’t do needles…..bit of a problem for a diabetic).

Whilst we were going through our divorce (living in the same house of hell) it became a daily routine for him to put his hands around my throat. He was well aware that it freaks me out but still he did it. Even though he always said it was just a joke I knew he was doing it on purpose because he knew I hated it.

Just thinking about having anything around my throat makes me feel bad, I get a chill down my spine. I know that if anyone tried to hold my throat I would panic and lash out. There are things I don’t think I would like but might be willing to try but a hand on my throat is not one of those. Nothing will ever persuade me to try it.

I know we are all different and what works for one person is wrong for another, is there anything that freaks you out just thinking about it?

Posted in blogging, fetish, pleasure pain, randomness, Sex bloggers | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »