The view from my bed

I have not been here in weeks for several reasons, I have  had a number of issues to work through in my personal life, some health wise others not.

I am writing this from my bed because I have been forced to stay home from work having been violently ill during the night, possibly something I ate but also possibly my body forcing me to take a rest as I have been under tremendous strain in recent weeks. I had already decided to have  a long weekend and take a day off from work on Friday, so now its an even longer weekend.

I won’t go into any details about what has been going on, in and around my life, as this is not that kind of blog, I have another one for that.

But I will tell you that during my absence I have spent a lovely evening with Fred, with more evenings being planned. It seems that the sex we have is ‘wow’ which is more than I can say about the intermittent sex I have had with either Karl or Cutter.

I have had  medical examination which confirms that my sexual problems are not imaginary, I am being referred back to my consultant with a view to discussing the options regarding reconstruction surgery. This is all as a result of radiotherapy treatment I received at a time in my life when sex was something to be avoided at all costs even though the medical team looking after me kept telling me that to avoid my vagina closing up I should have regular intercourse. At that time I didn’t care as I had no intention of having sex ever again.

But that was before divorce and hormone therapy, the combination of these two things changed my view on sex so drastically that I can now only rue my previous reluctance, but if you knew anything about my ex husband I am sure you would understand why I felt that way.  But even though I have problems with penetration with both Karl and Cutter it seems that there are no such problems with Fred so for the moment I am more than happy to spend time in Fred’s bed giving each other mutual pleasure.

Ok thats enough now s my head is hurting, I am not sure when I will get back to more regular blogging but perhaps it won’t be much longer.

Naked

After Cutter had left our hotel room I was left almost naked with just my white sleeveless button through top hanging loosely from my shoulders not really making much attempt to cover my modesty. I wandered around the silent room putting on the tv for company as I settled on the crumpled and now damp bed, with a sandwich I had bought earlier and  cup of tea brewing while I pulled my book out of my bag. ‘seduce me’ which is published by Xcite books is a collection of 20 erotic short stories. I had foolishly lent it to one of my colleagues who had nothing to do one day last week. She didn’t give it back for a week as she had enjoyed it so much that she wanted to share it with her husband. Apparently they had the best sex ever after reading it. Her favourite story was ‘Alley Kat’, which I haven’t read yet but my favourite so far is ‘whack’.

I didn’t get very far with my reading as my mind began to wander. This had been the first time I had been naked in front of Cutter.  Its funny how I feel so completely at ease naked in front of some people but not others. I had been a little nervous when we first undressed but I soon forgot my nerves as we began to play with and explore each other’s bodies. Thinking about how I had wondered around the room still naked after he had showered and dressed even standing in view of the open door when he was leaving. It reminded me of a time 3 years ago when I had first started seeing men for sex.

I forget his name now but I will call him Drew, was a recording engineer with his own studio purpose built at the bottom of the garden. He didn’t drive so he asked me to pick him up on the way to the pub we had agreed to go to. After two drinks we went back to his studio where he made us both a cup of tea. But I don’t think the kettle had boiled before he had all my clothes off . We kissed naked for a while until he led me into the sound proof booth where he has a double blow up matress. We lay together kissing and fondling, he climbed on top of me and just lay there for a while before getting up and sitting against the wall. We just chatted for ages sitting naked. He told me tales of a time when he was a male escort for a couple of years. He told me that with my open minded attitude to sex  I could make a lot of money by being an escort. We discussed the fact that I was not the least bit bothered about siting around nked as we chatted. We were not having sex but just being companionable whilst remaining naked. Yet if I had been sitting like that chatting to almost anyone else I would have felt too embarrassed about my body to sit with not a stitch on.

I have been asked if I would like to go to a sex club. The idea does arouse me but I doubt I would go. The reason being that I am usually ok about being naked with a sexual partner (until I catch sight of myself in a mirror) but I wouldn’t be able to do it in front of lots of people. In my view the difference is that the person I am with sees me naked because they find me sexy. In a group setting there would be people there who would not find me sexy and to them my naked body would not be welcome.

do you find big women sexy or a turn off?

 

 

my current reading material