Beyond vanilla

The subject has arisen again.

BDSM, am I into it and if so in which role?

Am I Vanilla or not?

I suspect that anyone who is vanilla would if they knew what I have done in recent years,  say that I am not vanilla (that is if they even knew what being vanilla meant).

I suspect that anyone heavily into BDSM would say that I am little more than vanilla.

I was vanilla until a few years ago when I joined the world of sex bloggers. From the moment I began reading other sex blogs and discussing various aspects of sex with other sex bloggers my interest in sex beyond vanilla began to grow. Some of my favourite blogs from those early days have since ceased to be. Two of my favourite bloggers of that time were the very educational and sexy Cherrie and the delightfully adventurous La Fille. They are both missed (at least by me).

During this time I discovered in myself a need to try out a variety of things I had previously felt were no go areas for me.

There was the time a good friend (he was the one who introduced me to sex blogs in the first place) agreed to give me my first experience of being spanked/caned. I was astounded by my ability to cope with pain as have always believed myself to be a total wimp where pain is concerned. Since then sadly I have not experienced any further caning however I have been spanked (not seriously but in fun). Dave is quite happy to spank me and has also been the only man who has actually tied me up to a degree although others have said they would. Probably the most serious spanking I have had apart from that very first time was at the swingers party Dave took me to where my favourite room was the dungeon.

Who would have ever thought someone as shy and selfconscience as I would ever put on a show for doggers.

I have had many conversations with a variety of men about being in a Dom/sub relationship. This is something I am curious about and reading about it turns me on big time. But although quite a few men have shown an interest in the concept I have not found any who would do this with me properly. Some are merely interested in making a woman do whatever they want without caring about doing ao with care and love. I have discussed it with Dave as he seems to be the only one in my life who is capable of giving me the kind of sex I crave, but he says he could never be dominant.

I have had numerous conversations (mainly in the past) about whether I am submissive. I believe that I do have a tendency to allow my partner to lead me in sex. But there are times when I feel a need to be the one in control. There fore I believe that I am for the most part submissive but could never be totally controlled.

Ages ago I came across a BDSM quiz which I took and posted the results here. I think it would be interestin now to take the test again if it still exists just to see if the results come out the same as before.

BDSM Quiz

my result first time:

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

96%

Experimental

89%

Submissive

86%

Bondage

82%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

75%

Masochist

71%

Dominant

61%

Sadist

54%

Degradation Lover

54%

Vanilla

21%

my result this time is :

You Scored as Switch

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

100%

Experimental

93%

Bondage

93%

Submissive

86%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

86%

Sadist

86%

Masochist

82%

Dominant

71%

Degradation Lover

46%

Vanilla

18%

BDSM Quiz

 

Whilst browsing a new blog I came across a link for a BDSM quiz. As you can see I had a go at the quiz just to see if it agreed with my feeling that I have strong submissive tendencies but am not totally submissive, there are times when I like to be the one in control. I have previously said on here that I am more inclined to be a switch.

 

You Scored as Switch (((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner. Switch 96% Experimental 89% Submissive 86% Bondage 82% Exhibitionist / Voyeur 75% Masochist 71% Dominant 61% Sadist 54% Degradation Lover 54% Vanilla 21%

Switch

Just chatting online with my dear friend Ronjazz it occurred to me that there is a gap in the blogosphere. I keep finding myself drawn towards blogs by people who are either Dominant Males or submissive females. There are also a few blogs by couples in this situation. There are also blogs by people who write about sex but are neither dom or sub. I believe I have a desire to be submisive. Not as in a full time role but as part of sex play with my partner. Having said that I have been toying with the idea of finding myself a Dom. My sweetheart is not a Dom although he feels like I do that it is good to include as part of our sexual repertoire.

My sweetheart would like to Dominate me and has trapped my arms behind my back rendering me helpless, but he did release me as soon as I said my arms were hurting. But the ache that remained hours later was welcome as it was another reminder of our precious time together. My sweetheart has always promised me that he will bind my wrists and blindfold me. He wants to take away my control so that he can give me an experience of just letting go. He likes to give me commands and expects me to comply (but this is just a game for us).  I enjoy being a good girl for him but I can be brattish and feisty too which he enjoys to.

Then there are the times that I like to take control and have him do my bidding. He finds this extremely amusing but he would willing accept my wish to be the one in control for a time. we have not tried it but I think he would be receptive to me spanking him just as he has agreed to me tying him up when and if I decided that was what I wanted to do.

My sweetheart spends a lot of time away on business, leaving me at home sexually frustrated for long periods of time. These are the times when I begin to  think I would like to find a Dom to keep me under control when my Sweetheart is away. This is when I start trawling through the sex blogs trying to find what it is that I want.

If I was to find myself a Dom, how would that fit in with my relationship? Would I find a Dom who is happy to control a fiesty willfull woman like me. Would I find someone who would be willing to switch occasionally. This is when I came to the realisation that although I am sure there are many people out there who are switches I have not come across a blog by anyone who switches, Ron agrees that he has not seen any either.

Do any of you know of any such blogs?

Do any of you think it is possible for me to carry out my desires without harming my relationship with my sweetheart.