Beyond vanilla

The subject has arisen again.

BDSM, am I into it and if so in which role?

Am I Vanilla or not?

I suspect that anyone who is vanilla would if they knew what I have done in recent years,  say that I am not vanilla (that is if they even knew what being vanilla meant).

I suspect that anyone heavily into BDSM would say that I am little more than vanilla.

I was vanilla until a few years ago when I joined the world of sex bloggers. From the moment I began reading other sex blogs and discussing various aspects of sex with other sex bloggers my interest in sex beyond vanilla began to grow. Some of my favourite blogs from those early days have since ceased to be. Two of my favourite bloggers of that time were the very educational and sexy Cherrie and the delightfully adventurous La Fille. They are both missed (at least by me).

During this time I discovered in myself a need to try out a variety of things I had previously felt were no go areas for me.

There was the time a good friend (he was the one who introduced me to sex blogs in the first place) agreed to give me my first experience of being spanked/caned. I was astounded by my ability to cope with pain as have always believed myself to be a total wimp where pain is concerned. Since then sadly I have not experienced any further caning however I have been spanked (not seriously but in fun). Dave is quite happy to spank me and has also been the only man who has actually tied me up to a degree although others have said they would. Probably the most serious spanking I have had apart from that very first time was at the swingers party Dave took me to where my favourite room was the dungeon.

Who would have ever thought someone as shy and selfconscience as I would ever put on a show for doggers.

I have had many conversations with a variety of men about being in a Dom/sub relationship. This is something I am curious about and reading about it turns me on big time. But although quite a few men have shown an interest in the concept I have not found any who would do this with me properly. Some are merely interested in making a woman do whatever they want without caring about doing ao with care and love. I have discussed it with Dave as he seems to be the only one in my life who is capable of giving me the kind of sex I crave, but he says he could never be dominant.

I have had numerous conversations (mainly in the past) about whether I am submissive. I believe that I do have a tendency to allow my partner to lead me in sex. But there are times when I feel a need to be the one in control. There fore I believe that I am for the most part submissive but could never be totally controlled.

Ages ago I came across a BDSM quiz which I took and posted the results here. I think it would be interestin now to take the test again if it still exists just to see if the results come out the same as before.

BDSM Quiz

my result first time:

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

96%

Experimental

89%

Submissive

86%

Bondage

82%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

75%

Masochist

71%

Dominant

61%

Sadist

54%

Degradation Lover

54%

Vanilla

21%

my result this time is :

You Scored as Switch

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

100%

Experimental

93%

Bondage

93%

Submissive

86%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

86%

Sadist

86%

Masochist

82%

Dominant

71%

Degradation Lover

46%

Vanilla

18%

She did it

Recently I wrote that my libido was low my mojo was missing my sex drive has snuck away ………..how ever you like to say it my need for sex has been eluding me. Sorry nitebyrd if you thought the next post about my night with Nigel was my libodo returning (that post was about a night a few yrs ago after my first ever spanking/caning). It was what Riff would call a ‘filler post’.

A few minutes ago I decided to catch up on Yummy’s blog. Scrolling through a number of posts I had missed my eye caught on this line.

1 woman pushed a toy inside me while she was taken by the therapist

Just that one line did it for me, suddenly I was aroused and reaching inside my clothes, giving myself the first orgasm I had had in days and this one had not been premeditated. Thank you Yummy for helping me to find my libido again.

 

Teasing my lover

After Fred left I was bored, changing out of my black skirt and into my red satin chemise I lay on the hotel bed. I decided to take a couple of photos of my legs which I then sent to Nigel. I knew he would still be out driving his articulated lorry. I wanted him here with me now, I didn’t want to have to wait for him. I wanted him to be urgently wanting me as mch as I wanted him here with me. I sent first one photo then the other to his phone telling him that it wouldn’t be long before these legs would be wrapped around his neck.

As he steps through the door the first thing I notice is that his designer stubble has become more like bristles but I take that to be down to the fact he has just finished working a night shift and I am more used to seeing him in the late morning when he has just got up for the day. He takes me in his arms and the 5 months feel more like 5 days. It doesn’t take him long to have me on my back while he devours my very wet pussy. Once he has had me writhing in unadulterated pleasure he strips off his own clothes and makes hot passionate love to me. I am not going to describe what we have simply as sex as it is so much more than that. We connect on more levels than purely physical. He fucks me long and hard the way he knows I like, my legs bent back with my feet around his waist before he moves bringing my legs up with him so that my feet are pointing into the space above him as my ankles rest on his shoulders he thrusts into me in the deep missionary he so loves. Mmmm I had forgotten the intensity of this position. He rolls me onto my side entering me from behind. we chat as we rest before he has me lying on my front so he can access my ass. He comments on the marks asking if I had been having fun and got carried away. I tell him I will explain later, right now I am getting breathless as he trusts deep inside my tight arse. He is very vocal about his pleasure as he fucks me. Unlike my cunt he can thrust his whole shaft into my ass.

Again we rest and chat catching up on our news of the missing months. He tells me he has been offered a job in another part of the country, the money is good but he won’t be taking it. what a relief, how could I lose him so soon after finally getting him here now. We both know it is highly unlikely we will see each other again until next month. Oh god how I enjoy teasing him with my tongue and fingers as I take his already hard again cock into my hungry mouth. I have forgotten my lack of sleep as I tease and lick his cock from head to base taking my time licking, sucking and fondling his balls. He does so love his balls played with. As much as we are both enjoying this we don’t want to waste this rock hard cock he gets me onto my side again as he enters from behind then reverting to the deep missionary again, he senses that I am tiring I am rolled onto my front again as he slides upto the hilt into my by now slippery ass. By this time daylight creeps through the gap in the curtains. He checks the time he must go before he gets caught out. But he just cant resist banging into my cunt one more time before he drags himself away back home to his wife.

I was asked today if given the chance would I have a proper relationship with him, the answer has to be yes but as he is married it is not something I let myself think about.

livin libido low

It has been a lovely sunny peaceful sunday morning. I was relaxing enjoying the delicious hot water and soft white bubbles of my bath when it happened. Time was my own, there was no rush like there is on a weekday morning. Lifting my right leg out of the water to rest my foot on the side of the bath and slid my hand down between my thighs.

Using my finger I pressed, rubbed and flicked but nothing happened, I was willing myself to climax. Nothing I did helped, there was no sign of arousal. I was thinking about this and the way I have been feeling lately. I have been feeling a lack of arousal. My recent lack of sex has not bothered me, if anything it has been more of a relief.

In the next couple of days I will be alone at home for a whole night whilst my remaining children are away from home. This would be an ideal time to invite either Karl or Dave to spend time alone with me in my home. It would be an ideal time to christen my bed. No man has been in my bed since I bought it 2.5 years ago. Yet I have not mentioned to either of them that this opportunity has arisen. Neither have I told Fred who I know would love to see me again. (He has been leaving me offline messages recently making it clear that if I had not been away last week he wanted to see me).

I have concluded that my libido is currently rock bottom. I don’t know how I can change that.

Roger returns

Perhaps I was hallucinating, after all I had been driving for 6 hours in rain on unfamiliar roads. I was unwell and had got soaked every time I had moved to or from the car. It was late evening by the time I was home (soaked to the skin again) sipping a cuppa soup prior to running a soothing bubble bath. Switching on my laptop I saw his name at the top of my list of friends online. That couldn’t be right. Roger couldn’t be online, he hadn’t been for years……he had probably deleted the account by now.

Less than a minute later a chat window opened up and Roger was saying hello. We chatted briefly, long enough for him to tell me that he is back in my town for a while. This morning he was online again before he dashed off to work.

After the unexpected chat with Russell last week just 24 hours after I posted about the way Jim had disappeared and reappeared in my life this is just a little bit spooky.

Roger was the first married man I had met for over 20 years. My second ever. We had started off chatting online through Adult friend finder. He is in the Forces and was stationed at the Base on the edge of my town. I believe his profile stated single (or maybe it was ‘prefer not to say’) anyway we chatted for a few days before agreeing to meet for a drink. It was then that he asked me if I had any NO NOs . I started off with No married men. He confessed that he is married but his wife is 200 miles away. I agreed to meet him for a drink anyway. But had no intention of doing anything other than having a friendly drink/chat. He was after all away from home and didn’t know many people in the town.

He picked me up from the next road, he was very handsome and great company.  Sitting in the pub with our glasses of fruit juice hardly touched as we talked and talked it seemed so natural to give in when he leaned in for a kiss. What was I thinking of ? This man who is not only married, not only extremely handsome (in a tall dark prince charming kind of way) and good company too but at least 10 years my junior………I don’t do younger (my head can’t get around it).

I didn’t put up any resistence when he suggested that we go back to his room on the Base. The security guards hardly batted an eyelid as we drove through the gate. This was the first time I had seen inside the accomodation blocks. he was in a senior ratings block. He smuggled me up the stairs to his room (not easy with my heels clattering on the stairs).

Sitting on the edge of his double bed we resumed our kissing. It wasn’t long before we were both stripped of our clothes, I was a little shy as he was only the second man I had met on AFF ……….I was still new to having sex with anyone since my marriage had ended a few months earlier.  Roger is a very fit and energetic lover. He is very attentive…..just as any an should be. I had warned him that I get very wet (he wasn’t prepared for just how wet I get) neither was I prepared for how wet he gets. I had never met a man who sweats as much during sex ( before or since). It wasn’t a bad thing it was quite sexy even so long as it wasn’t dripping into my eye. It was the height of summer (or at least as hot as summer gets here in UK).

We met a few times after this but mostly we just chatted online, it wasn’t always easy to make time in our schedules to be able to meet in person. After that first time Roger left a testimonial on my profile.

What a chatty, smiley girl SN is. ‘Busty’! Certainly! A boob man’s dream! 😉 Outside the bedroom SN is warm, laid back, chatty and smiley. And what a charming smile too! Really good company. Inside the bedroom she has a shy innocents that just makes you want her more. Receptive, warm and very, very wet! Hmmm! 😉 I spent a very enjoyable evening both outside as well as inside the bedroom with SN and hope to repeat the experience again soon! Let me bathe in your rivers again sometime! 😉 xx

Eventually Roger was almost found out by someone he worked with. He made the decision to give up seeing any of the women he had been having fun with. Not long after that (we had stayed in contact) he moved back home. His contact was very sparse for a while then stopped altogether a couple of years ago.

Until now……….

does it hurt?

In my work I have a colleague who works out on the road only coming into the office for meetings etc. He is new to the work he is doing and I am his office contact and supply him with as  much moral support as I do information. Scooby is a little older than me but only by a few years. He is also Gay and has been with his partner for many years. I have a very good rapport with Scooby. He has made it his mission to shock me ………..I keep telling him that he will have a hard job of shocking me…….he has no idea what I get upto.

I tease him relentlessly…….if he says he is parked in a layby I will reply ‘I’ve heard about men like you’. He loves our banter, I have shocked him once or twice like the time he told me that he would be staying in a certain area and I pointed out that there was a Greenhouse Club nearby.

A few days ago (I have no idea how this conversation got to this) he told me that he often gets asked ‘does it hurt?’ (remember this conversation took place during working hours whilst I was in an open plan office). His stock reply being ‘If I’m lucky’. Now I find that interesting. (oh I did manage to slip in a ‘yes it does’ comment).

Knowing that he is gay did help to know what he was saying. Obviously he enjoys the inevitable pain experienced during anal sex.

I don’t think I know any men who don’t like the idea of anal sex (even if they have never tried it) but as the giver rather than the receiver. I’m not sure what the percentage of men who have never had the opportunity to experience anal would be but I suspect it is greater than 75%.

Again this is one of those sex acts that my mind and probably most people’s pictures anal being performed on a woman on her hands and knees (a bit like my vision of a spitroast). In my younger days one or two guys (including my husband) tried to penetrate my bum but the pain was so excrutiating that I couldn’t do this. As soon as he tried to enter me I would be screaming NOOOO from the pain. I couldn’t imagine anything more painful.

But then one day laying on my bed with Nigel he told me to lay face down with my legs together and just relax. Once I was very relaxed he applied baby oil and slowly entered me. To my utter amazement the searing pain wasn’t there. The more he pushed into me and the pain was only minimal the more I relaxed and enjoyed the feel of him filling my arse. Nigel began slowly pumping into me, yes there was some pain but there was also a spreading feeling of pleasure, my arousal was building. I wanted to cum so hard, this mixture of pleasure and pain was incredible. I would highly recomend it to anyone (with the right partner). My clit is aching at the very memory of it now as I write this.

Since that day when Nigel introduced me to the pleasure of anal sex I have had wonderful experiences with 4 men in total (not all at once). The most recent being Dave, but even with these few men there were times when I just wasn’t able to indulge. Even with a man who I have had anal sex with there are still times when it is just too painful to get over that initial searing pain. Nigel like to give it to me up the arse several times in a session. There were times I could hardly sit after I had seen him, but it was so arousing.

I will have to ask Scooby whether he experiences the pain pleasure mix that I do or does he revel in the searing pain that I get when it isn’t right. I had just never given it any thought until now.

Does it hurt for you?

Open

Keatsjohnkeats has raised the question of how open I am about my activities.  I feel perhaps I should explain for those who have only been reading this blog for a limited time what exactly my situation is, if I even know that myself. I change my mind all the time as is my prerogative being of the female species.

I am female (I hope that, that much is obvious), I am old enough to know better and young enough to enjoy it. I broke free of the shackles of a disastrous marriage to an objectionable man 20 years after choosing not to be involved in life because I had, had my heart-broken and didn’t wish to repeat the experience. I married a man I didn’t love, I let life pass me by without taking part. My one contribution to the world at large was the creation of several bright well-mannered young people. I became dangerously ill at a time when my children needed me. Against the predictions of my then husband I refused to die………….as you can tell I won that battle. I accepted my illness as a wake up signal to start living again.

I   cut loose……I began dating, I am single again and this time I have a better idea of what I do and don’t want. I have begun to celebrate my sexuality instead of being ashamed of it. I go through phases, sometimes all I want is a stable relationship, one where  I am completely committed to that one man. At other times and this is one of those, I rejoice in being single, I see several men simultaneously. During these phases I explore my sexuality and push my boundaries. I try to discover how far I am willing to go. I do things I wouldn’t do if I were in a committed relationship.

Whilst I am exploring my sexual boundaries I join adult sites like Adult friend finder and more recently Fab swingers. Since joining FAB I have enjoyed the social side of swinging as much as the sexual side. I joined forces with Karl to become a ‘couple’. We began meeting other couples, I was also seeing Dave, he is more adventurous than Karl. Dave has taken me to a local swinger club a couple of times. At the club I experienced a jacuzzi for the first time as well as seeing my first dungeon. I do enjoy the spanking benches. It was at the club that I discovered that being watched is not as embarassing as I had always imagined.

Since I joined forces with Karl we have met several other couples, mostly in social situations. One of the couples we came across are Bruce and Alice. We have met them twice now, both times with others and both times there has been lots of action. After the first time Bruce started texting me and we had a long telephone conversation. During this conversation we talked about spanking. I am not sure how the conversation got onto that topic. Since then he has been asking me to let him tie me to his four poster bed and be spanked.  Karl knows that I enjoy a little spanking as does Dave. Karl doesn’t like the idea of spanking at all, he doesn’t like the idea of pain even the slightest bit. Dave on the other hand is more willing to indulge me in whatever I desire.

Of all the people I know within our circle I have not discussed spanking with anyone else. However 3 years ago I talked about it with a fellow blogger. After several months of discussions he booked an hotel room where he spanked and caned me. There was nothing between us other than our friendship, this was purely an experiment so that I could experience what it would feel like. Later after he had gone Fred arrived to give me some TLC. He was the only other person I had told about what I was doing. Later still after Fred had gone Nigel arrived to spend a few hours with me.  It didn’t take him long to see the marks on my sore bum. Apart from those who read my blogs nobody else other than these few people know that I am interested in spanking.

Bruce’s plan

A few days ago Bruce started texting me.

He reminded me that I have a desire to be tied to a bed. He reminded that I want to be spanked.

I was looking forward to you being tied to a four poster in just heels and stockings and spanking you xxx

I didn’t reply because I was busy, hours  later I got another text

So you not want to be spanked anymore

I didn’t say that

Ooh good !! So when would you like to be spanked then ???

I will think about it x

Well I do hope you think about being tied to a 4 poster bed in your stockings and high heels with me teasing you with my tongue and spanking you xx

sounds good

Well I have erotic dreams about it ! Would it be you and me or would you like anyone else with us ???

Later I was online chatting to Dave

do you fancy going back to hotel with me sometime …….Bruce wants to tie me to a fourposter and spank me

i would love to.
i dont know why Bruce hasnt replied back to my message asking him sailing.

it wouldnt be a party like before
I dont know

he seemed keen, but hey ho,

he hadn’t text me until wed

if you want moral supprt, then yes I’ll come with you. Bruce might even invite another woman for me, lol

but just remember how he whipped Alice…. with the studs on the whip
i.e. the wrong end

I wouldn’t want to go on my own

could you take that much whipping ?

probably not

i dont mind taking you, thats not a problem. it is whether you can take him

I have only been whipped once and that was much more measured and calm

its upto you

my opinion is he might get a bit too forecful on and in you, and I wont be able to stop him
perhaps much better meeting him in a party again

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thank you

I had no idea he cared so much

The lightest of touches

Crouching on the sofa, one foot on the floor the other at the back of the seat. A folded towel on the seat under me I bowed over his cock sucking and teasing. Licking at his balls restraining myself from sucking each of his balls into my mouth (I know he finds that painful). I could just about feel his fingers touching my lips just short of my clit. He was working blind under the red cloth of my long skirt.

It was hard to concentrate on his delicious cock as I tried to move so that his fingertips touched just where I ached to be touched. He was getting sooooo close, occassionally grazing the target with the lightest of touches. My pussy was on fire, I sucked harder needing so much to have the first orgasm of the night. He tells me that I am squirting like a goodun. His hand is soaked. I take his fingers into my mouth licking them clean, he stands presenting his cock at face level as I settle back into the arm of the sofa.

Gazing up at his face I see that he has half an ear to the door listening for movement upstairs, ready to grab his jeans if anyone came downstairs. My cunt is still aching for that first orgasm when he sits between my thighs telling me to lie back. Still his fingers explore my pussy but with the lightest of touches. This is torture when I want him inside me. I am about to beg him to lick me when he kisses my inner thigh……..heaven he is going to answer my silent prayer without me saying a word. But it isn’t his tongue it is his fingers that enter my pussy. Ok he is just warming me up, first he will work me into a frenzy with his fingers then he will treat me to his wonderful tongue stroking me where I most need it. When I have had enough of his tongue bringing me to great heights of orgasm I shall get him to sit upright while I swing my leg over his lap lowering myself onto his cock so that we can cum together.

But what happens?

He plunges his fingers into my pussy and within seconds I have become so hyper sensitive that I can bear his touch for a mere few seconds only before I am ckawing at his arm pulling his hand away. All that anticipation and before we get to the best part I am begging him to stop!!

I can’t believe my body could betray us both like that. I had wanted this soo much that when the action started to get going properly My body slammed on the brakes………….how dare my body do that to us.

spit roasted

Whenever I think about being spit roasted I picture being on my hands and knees being fucked from behind whilst sucking the cock of a second man who is on his knees in front of me.

However I really should change my mental picture as when I was at the first party with Bruce and Alice I had a spit roast that was no like that at all.

I was on my back with my feet on the edge of the bed, knees bent up, with Tigger standing between my thighs thrusting into my tight cunt. Karl was kneeling beside my head so I could suck him off. For a while I also had Bruce kneeling on the other side of me with my hand wrapped around his cock…………I sucked him too (but not at the same time). I remember enjoying having three cocks at the same time for my pleasure. But it didn’t occur to me at first that I was having a spit roast because as I said I think of spit roast being on my knees, doggy style. It was only later that it occurred to me that I had two cocks filling me at the same time.

The following weekend at the club with Dave I found myself on my back being fucked whilst having another cock in my mouth and a third in my hand. This was getting to be a habit, I seem to be the centre of attention for three men at a time more than once that night and certainly over that period of 6 days.

So although not once did I find myself having the spit roast I had envisaged ie my very first experience but I am sure it still counts if I have a cock in my mouth and another in my cunt.

Perhaps now that Karl and Dave have met we will get to have a session with just the three of us and I will expect to be spit roasted then. Dave is arranging for me and him to have a foursome very soon with a couple we met weeks ago, so that could be another opportunity. Karl has decided that he doesn’t like the parties (too many people ) so it will be 3 or more likely 4somes for us from now on.